Seeking Restoration

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” (Matthew 18:15-16)

Yesterday we talked about confronting someone who hurt you as the first aspect of extending forgiveness towards others. Today, I want us to look at two more things we need to be willing to do if we want to forgive others well.

First, we must be willing to confront privately. Confrontation is for the purpose of rescue, not retribution. You are not trying to win an argument; you are trying to win a brother. You are not trying to avenge a wrong. You are trying to restore a relationship.

The way to restore a relationship that has been ruined or ruptured is to go to the right person and there is only one right person and that is the person who has done wrong. This is important, because whenever conflict occurs, we need to learn keep the circle of people involved a small as possible for as long as possible. If someone hurts you and you go to any other person, before you go to that person, you’ve gone to the wrong person.

Finally, we must be willing to confront patiently. Sometimes, when you try to make things right on your own, things don’t go the way you thought. This is when you might need to take some people with you, according to Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness. 

When you take other people with you to try to seek redemption in a relationship with someone, you are showing the person you are not on a personal vendetta. You are showing this person how serious you are about restoring a relationship. The other reason is if the person still refuses to listen, then you have other people that confirm that not only have you done the right thing – that it is not your fault, but the person who is at fault still has fault.

Bringing other people along brings both objectivity – they are not emotionally involved as you are, and they bring accountability to both parties. And not only that, but it shows you’re not giving up on the person or the relationship. Just because the first confrontation didn’t go well doesn’t mean you’re throwing in the towel, you’re being patient because you care about the person, and that’s what matters. f